BETTER DIVORCE

Adversarial divorce, which means getting a decree of divorce by contesting the case in a court of law, is a time-consuming and expensive way of settling a divorce.

The result of the my legal practice spanning for more than two decades, has only reinforced our view that mediation must be preferred as the primary way for any legal battle, much better for divorce settlements.

Having now watched thousands of couples go through divorce, we have seen many who have done well and many who have done poorly. Doing well means that the divorce ended an unhappy relationship and launched the couple back into the world as individuals equipped to cope and to build something new. The couples who did poorly are the ones who did not succeed in ending an unhappy relationship and simply found a new way to relate destructively to each other. To an unsuccessful marriage, they added an interminable divorce-a divorce that became the primary influence in their lives and the lives of their children.

Preparing yourself!

How you divorce matters. Because, there are a hundred ways that couples reach the decision to divorce. The choices concern the manner in which you will divorce. Will it be bitter or civilized? Will you have an intensely adversarial divorce, or will you have a cooperative, even amicable, divorce? Will you attempt to vindicate the past or will you use your resources to build your separate futures? Will your children suffer emotionally or will you minimize the impact on them? Will your divorce be a mess or will it be a transition to new and better lives for you both? In other words, will you choose a “good” divorce or a bad divorce? If one of you engages in war, it is very difficult for the other not to retaliate. In divorce, few partners “turn the other cheek”. One of you may want an amicable divorce but may believe (correctly or not) that the other is too angry or too vindictive to make it possible. This is a particularly trying time because you are separated and single practically, but still married and together legally! In this time of confused and mixed signals, it is easy to offend each other. Even genuine initiative by one party may be misunderstood by the other.

Better Divorce Process

- To understand and accept the reality of breakdown of marriage - Exploring possibilities to build on the things you both agree - In situations when both of you are neither physically and mentally together nor legally separated, realise that you are still capable of limited co-operation which is enough but essential for divorcing decently.

Every parting has its own sadness. Divorce decision is hard to take and difficult to implement.

One should understand that there are several experiences, good or bad, throughout his/her life. Divorce is unique that it is a transition process which might completely transform our life- to good or bad – depending on how you put the things in right perspective.

Initial shocks will always be there for anyone whether you have planned it over a time or not. But even after passing over this phase, many questions may be playing your mind like: • Can your child be a barrier for getting divorce"
• "Can your parents or other relatives be a barrier for getting divorce"
• "Divorce as a social taboo"
• " Is divorce a social taboo only for wife and not for husband"
• "Will an "arranged marriage" a gurandee against divorce"
• "Is a love marriage bound to end in divorce"
• "Is divorce, the only solution for all problems in marriage"
• "God and religious scriptures forbid divorce"
• Is divorce a problem for remarriage?
• Will the first marriage a problem during remarriage?
• Will the children of first marriage a problem during remarriage?
• Will the joint ownership of property a problem during remarriage?
• Will an inter-caste, inter-religious, inter-racial, inter-country marriage a problem for divorce?
• Is a violation of premarital agreement, a ground for divorce?
• Is counseling mandatory before divorce?
• Will the mode of marriage alliance a problem for divorce?
• Will divorce affect your employment?
• Will divorce affect your business?
• Will divorce affect your social status?
• "Your children and my children are playing with our children"
• Is remarriage possible between two divorcees?
• Is age a problem for divorce?
• Can a customory practice a problem for divorce?
• Why do you need a lawyer for divorce?
• How many times can you Divorce?
• Can you supress your divorce while remarring?
• Can you remarry during divorce proceedings?
• How many days you have to wait for remarriage after getting divorce?
• Can you remarry your divorced spouse?
• Child custody
• Where can I file a divorce petition?
(Add) FAQ on divorce
How to face the child/children?
Added to this is the question on what life will have in store for you after divorce,
How your image with friends and relations will be affected?

How to cope with this new status of ‘divorcee’ with your colleagues?..... so on and to forth!

BETTER DIVORCE PROCESS

Well, one simple thing to do is to first consult a good psychologist (note: Not a psychiatrist) and speak to him/her about all your problems.

In fact, consulting a psychologist even before taking the decision on divorce will prepare you to acquire the emotional equilibrium for a good negotiation.

Unless this is done, there is always a chance to have misunderstandings. You may lose many other relationships especially with the one who might have mediated between you and your spouse for a possible good settlement.

Consulting a psychologist also helps one to understand the realities of divorce.

After all, life never begins with one person: we needed our father and mother, to be in this world!

So it goes: Life is not over with the marriage or divorce!